Blog
Sunday, January 15, 2006
-10:00 PM
I'm super stressed. I had a bad headache since morning and I guess it's all from exhaustion from my busy schedule this whole week. And I slept in the afternoon. I mean, it's been a long time since I slept on Sunday afternoons. It used to be my regular afternoon nap on Sundays, but it has since stopped since last holiday I think. But I actually slept again? I couldn't sleep last night. Went to bed at 11.00 and slept at 1.00. And woke up at 7.00. Which means that it was just 6 hours of precious sleep. Why? 'Stress' my dears...That's one sign of stress. My appetite's gobe done too. And I'm having training tmr, and of course after that, I'll sure 'peng'. Argh, the coach, the test...(I forgot to bring home my geog TB to study for tmr's test)and all the math hw. I feel numb. Just numb. I have admit to something. Numb as in I don't feel God's presence this week. Last night, I just looked into the sky by the bedside, questioning about his presence. I asked for a sign to prove that he really did exist. Didn't see any. Was I really speaking to him? Was He hearing my thoughts and just didn't want to show me the sign? I really am confused. Went to church this morning. The songs were very meaningful. But I stop singing them halfway. I just couldn't see why I should sing it since I knew all that I was going to sing was not heartfelt. I question my sincerity towards Him. Did I truly ever sang to God a real heartfelt song, a song from my heart? And prayer. I said those prayers, but my heart felt like stone. I felt nothing. Am I a real Christian?
